Hey Barry! You want some cheese with that whine?

Barry Bonds is back. Well, back in the news. Not in baseball. And that's what the news is all about. Earlier this week, the MLB Players Association filed "expressed concern" over the lack of any offers to certain free agents, specifically Barry Bonds, intimating their belief that the ownwers are acting in collusion, a big no-no.

Let's see, Barry Bonds is the only player named in a concern filed for several unsigned players. Does anybody think Barry himself isn't directly behind this?

But collusion? Seriously, Barry. You must be a moron. It doesn't take collusion to keep you off the field. It takes just a little thing we thinking humans like to call "reason".

Let's say I'm an owner.

Hmm. Barry Bonds is available. I've got a need for a DH. (Even though I hate the DH and wish I owned an National League team and we played real baseball. But I digress.) So I need a DH and Barry Bonds is available.

Barry. Home Run King. .480 OBP last season. Career .607 slugging pct. 762 career dingers. Over 1000 more walks than strikeouts in his career. Potent offensive threat, even at age 43.

But then there's Barry. Indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice. He's the King alright, the King of Performance-Enhancing Drugs. Most hated man in baseball. Fans hate him. The media's all over him. And he doesn't help the situation.

Let's see. I could hire a stop-gap DH who might get 75 rbi over the rest of the season, but who would also bring me the more negative publicity than if I killed a puppy on the pitcher's mound. I think I'll look elsewhere.

And so it goes. It's not collusion, Barry. It's just that you cheated, and got caught, and everybody knows it except you. You're not getting hired because the cons far outweigh the pros of your employment. So move to Florida, play bingo and get used to the retirement life.